


Dean Winchester, Go Home

by FabelHaft



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Brothers, Character Death, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, Ghost Dean Winchester, Grief/Mourning, Heaven, Human Castiel, Impala, Last Kiss, Multi, Rage, Sad, last goodbyes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-04-18
Updated: 2018-10-04
Packaged: 2019-04-23 22:02:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 3
Words: 4,056
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14341839
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FabelHaft/pseuds/FabelHaft
Summary: Sam was holding onto his last moments with Dean, but he knows he has to say goodbye before things get worse. One last road trip together might just do the trick.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I saw the idea on Tumblr and had to give it a whirl... with my own twist of course.

The Impala was shimmering. The reflection of the trees glimmered against the black paint. Not a single smudge of dirt or grime left anywhere. It was the nicest the car had looked in months, and it gave Sam peace. The car was now his, but he never bothered to take care of it, no matter how much nagging he’d hear from Dean. Sam actually driving Baby while Dean sat in the passenger and watched him was just about the weirdest part of it all. They were in each other’s spots. The roles were reversed and somehow Sam hadn’t heard a single complaint from Dean about it (of course, other than the occasional judgment on how Sam is too heavy on the breaks).

“She’s never looked better.”

Dean appeared beside Sam, smiling from ear to ear. It was bittersweet to have Dean here with him because he knew Dean was supposed to be gone. Gone like the bunker, like Jack, like Castiel, like everyone else he’s ever cared about, yet Dean was right beside him. 

Sam picked up the bucket filled with dirty water and vampire blood. He had just come back from a hunt, and because his brother was so determined to be involved, the monster fight happened right on top of the car, covering the hood in blood. He didn’t mind bringing the fight to Dean because he missed him. He missed fighting and investigating with his brother. They were doing a bit of good despite all the bad, but now the bad came to them. Dean was a ghost now, and he was tethered to his Baby. He died during a hunt, and refuses to let the hunt stop him.

Sam can no longer deny that Dean was changing for the worse. When he appeared for the first time after his death, fuzzy yet determined, he was exactly how he was before he died. His shirt was bloody and a large hole was ripped in it where he was impaled, but the rest of him looked peaceful and not in any pain. Even though they gave him a hunter’s funeral, his body burned, he still chose to not go with the reaper to Heaven so he could stay and protect his little brother. 

Over the past few months, Dean grew a temper and hungered to hunt to kill the creatures that killed him. One time, Dean went full vengeful-ghost-mode and started to take control of the car, ignoring Sam’s pleads to stop. The car swerved and almost crashed into a civilian, but Dean hesitated and gave Sam the ability to hit the brakes. No one got hurt, just rattled, but Dean was focused on the hunt; he wanted to kill. And now, he was getting harder to control.

“Sam,” Dean began. “I think we should head back into town and scan for any more vamps we might have missed.”

“Why?” Sam questioned, dumping the bucket water into a nearby bush.

“Why? Because it’s what we do Sammy, we kill monsters. Saving people, hunting things… the family business.”

“There are no more vampires to kill here, we made sure of that,” Sam paused, running his hands through his locks. “There’s no point in beating a dead horse.”

“You might have missed something.”

“Seriously, Dean? We’re not going back”

The bucket in Sam’s hand flew off into the bush, scratching and cutting open the palm of his hand. Dean’s eyes were unreadable. He didn’t know what to make of this type of anger. He’d never done that to his brother before. Sam stood there in fear of his own brother, knowing very well that this wouldn’t be the last time something like this would happen.

“Sammy, I’m sorry.”

Dean’s face softened again. His vengefulness and paranoia had faded when he saw the fear he caused in his little brother. He didn’t want to be that type of spirit. He just wanted to hold on to this world to protect his brother as long as he could, but now he needed more time. 

“It’s fine. We’ll find a case in another city, don’t worry about it.”

The brothers stared into each other's eyes for only a quick second before pulling away. Sam blew out the long breathe he was holding, putting pressure on his wound. This situation was supposed to give them more time, but it was also not normal, not natural. 

Sam left the bucket and hopped into the Impala. After sending a quick text message, he grabbed the first aid kit he left in the glove department and started wrapping up his wound with gauze. Dean popped into the passenger seat beside him, watching the bandage slowly soak up the blood. 

“Dean. I’ll find us another case, but I think we should visit someone first.”

Dean didn’t say anything; he knew exactly where his brother was going to take him. He’s objected it before because it would hurt too much to face the one person he loved so much but he betrayed. And yet, this time, he didn’t want to stop Sam from taking him there. Sam knew him well enough to know what’s best for him, even if he doesn’t want the help. Dean noticed the car began to move and his eyes averted to the landscape passing past the car window. He shouldn’t feel so afraid, but his emotions were everywhere. He closed his eyes, and soon, Sammy was the only visible person left in the deafening silent car.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Destiel time!!!

Sam parked the car over ten minutes ago, but Dean hadn't popped out yet. This is the closest they've gotten to him before, but Dean is having trouble going the rest of the way. Sam parked close enough, but now, all he could do was wait for his brother to take action. 

“Come on Dean, it's time to see Cas.” 

Dean looked out the window, watching the tiny blades of grass sway. Everything seemed more interesting than actually getting out of the car. Dean would have rather watched some random bird in the trees hop back and forth on the branches than have to look down at Castiel. He could not face him, but he had to. Dean slipped out of the car and next to his brother. 

Sam’s hands were fidgeting in his pockets. He knew his brother was struggling; his spirit seemed to glitch like a television screen or an old video game. He watched Dean’s eyes trail from the ground where their feet were planted to where Cas had laid.

The tombstone in the ground in front of them read: “Castiel Novak Winchester”

This was what Dean was so afraid to face. He felt guilty. He lied to Cas, his best friend, his lover because he was so afraid that if he did let go of this world and go with the reaper, Cas wouldn’t be waiting for him on the other side.

Dean knelt and wiped away the dirt and broken pieces of grass that covered most of the stone. The stone had little angel wings engraved under Castiel’s name. Putting it there wasn’t Dean’s idea but Claire’s. In fact, that was the last normal conversation they had, before going their own ways. 

Dean remembers burying him. After they burned his body, they buried the ashes that were left because it was what Cas wanted. It was one of the two things he asked for, in the circumstance that something were to happen to him. The other: To live and let go. Cas wanted him to forgive the world and live happily with his little brother, helping to raise Claire with some normalcy, despite her desperate urge to hunt. And when it was Dean’s time to die, to meet him in heaven. 

He didn’t do what he promised his angel, but he didn’t want to tell him that either. He didn’t want to break his heart. 

Before Castiel died, he and Dean were finally at ease, no longer holding their breath around each other. Dean can still feel Cas’s lips against his. He misses his touch, the long nights in his Dean’s musty bunker room, the look in Cas’s eyes whenever he listened to some new mixtape he made him, and yes, even the arguments on what do with their basically-adopted children, Jack and Claire. But now, it’s like water, slipping through his hands and he can’t grab it. The memories are fading away and Dean can’t control how angry it makes him, how empty it feels.

But even worse, the one memory left that was still completely vivid was when he watched his angel die. 

When Jack disappeared, it took a toll on Cas. He became obsessed with finding him because he promised to take care of him for Kelly, but Jack took a page out of the Winchester-Self-sacrificing Handbook and suddenly he was gone, dead. 

Cas wanted him back so bad. 

He went hunting down demons for Intel, attempted to talk the remaining angels in heaven for some hope that Jack was there with them, but Heaven closed themselves off from him, and Cas was human again. He prayed to his father so many times every day, not losing a glimmer of hope even though he never answered. His hope was blind and stubborn, but it was endless, and Dean never failed to hunt with him, support him. 

The last hunt they ever spent together was the worst for Dean. They clashed so much those last few days: where to go, what the eat, how to talk to each other, how to hunt. They hadn’t even slept in the same bed. That hunt is the one where Cas died. A demon killed him when Dean got trapped behind a jammed door. He doesn’t remember how he finally got inside the room, killing the demon or even finding his angel, or if he did any of that at all, but he does remember putting pressure on Cas’s stomach hoping to stop the bleeding. He remembers crying out to Sam for some help. He remembers pushing Cas’s uncut dreaded hair back and away from his face. He remembers how dull the blue in his angel’s eyes were. He held Cas in his arms as the life left his eyes for the last time, laying a kiss on his temple as his body went limp.

It was there whenever Dean closed his eyes, flashing through his eyelids and branded into his heart. It was there, and it was the only thing that was there.

Suddenly, flower petals and dirt started falling over Castiel’s tombstone. 

“Oh my God, I’m so sorry about that.” a high-pitch voice spoke. “These were cheap flowers, they keep falling apart.”

Dean stood up rapidly, fast enough to give any human whiplash. He flashed in front of the idiot girl who dared to ruin his lover’s grave with dirt. He could faintly hear yelling, probably from his brother, but not enough to stop him. Dean grabbed the girl by her shirt, holding her close enough that he could even taste her tears if he wanted to. 

“Dean!” 

The girl was crying.

“Dean, stop!”

He yelled her tighter and barked at her some threats.

You hurt him.

Her feet slowly lifted off the ground.

You won’t ever do that again.

She was pleading through her tears, wanting to go back to her family, but Dean was losing what was left of his mind. Bad memories, rage, grief was the strongest things he could feel, everything else was leaving him. 

Dean felt something go through him. It burned. He could no longer feel or hear the girl he was after. Just black. Just screaming. He felt he was being torn apart through space and time. He felt like one of those creepy black ghosts in those wizard movies his brother was so into. It scared him, but most of all, it made him angrier.

The pain stopped. He felt the grass underneath him again. His vision cleared and nobody was in front of him. Dean turned around to find the girl he was tormenting, but instead, he found Sam. He peeked past Sam’s shoulders and saw the girl behind him in the distance running away, struggling to breathe probably. He looked back at Sam who had an iron rod in his hand pointed at Dean, pointed at his chest,

“Dean, stop.”

“Let me pass, Sammy.”

“No.” Dean’s eyes widened.

“She disrespected Cas, Sam.” Dean stepped closer to the iron rod, but not close enough to where it could send him into extreme mutated pain again. “She needs to learn.”

Sam’s shoulders fell slightly and pulled the iron rod back down to his waist. “She’s human, Dean. This isn’t us, this isn’t you.”

“I- She-...”

Dean’s eyes finally softened and he fell back down to the ground next to Cas. He started to glitch out again, then closed his eyes and let himself disappear back into the veil.

The cemetery was quiet again. Sam felt it in every bone in his body, it was time to send Dean home with Cas. It was time to let him go. He pulled out his phone.

As the phone rang in his ear, Sam stared down at the Impala. He could see the little toy soldier he lodged in the ashtray as a kid through the window from where he was standing. He remembers when he got it stuck, his dad was infuriated. He was way worse than Dean about taking care of Baby. Dean took the fall and said it was his fault for not watching Sam well enough, and John took it. He let his anger out on Dean instead of Sam. His brother has been protecting him for so long, and he’s not ready to watch him go, but he couldn’t risk someone getting hurt. A single tear fell from Sam’s cheek and down onto the hood of the car.

“Sam?”

Sam cleared his throat, “Hm, hey Jody… It’s time.”


	3. Chapter 3

Sam took his time driving, even though he was alone in the car. He was hoping Dean would pop out eventually, but maybe he was ashamed of what he did back at the grave. Since he died, Dean had never gotten that angry with anyone, he was normally calm and grateful to have a few extra moments with his brother, even if it was hiding behind Dean’s same old humor. Sam knew that Dean was holding on because he was afraid, but he wasn’t going to argue with him on this one. But what had happened a few hours ago was new and scary, also very eye-opening. Sam gripped the steering wheel tighter as his body shivered slightly at the thought. He knew in the back of his mind what it meant for Dean, for the both of them.

Another hour passed until Dean popped up again in the passenger seat. Sam watched him in his peripheral vision as he waited for Dean to say something first. If Dean had another outburst on the road, it would be a bit more dangerous than before.

Dean, however, was waiting for Sam to speak. He had no idea where his little brother was taking him, but he couldn’t just ask him. He scared him once already and couldn’t bare to do it again. Instead he watched the nothingness of the tree, how they seemed to only fade into an empty and black canvas. The road ahead was more clear and definitely the scenic route he used to have dreams of, but looking ahead was to risky- he then might catch Sam’s eye by accident. 

The look in his eyes was haunting him. Dean hated that look, the fear. He saw it plenty of times when John would come back from a bad hunt or if he ever used them as bait, but most of the time Dean was there for his brother. When they were older and on their own it rarely, if ever, popped up. He did that, caused that look in his little brothers eyes and it killed him even more than he already had been. 

Sam finally drifted his glances more towards Dean than the road. He sat up a little taller, hand gripped on the steering wheel as if he would guide his away from this very moment. 

“Hey, so…” The brothers said in unison.

“Oh sorry man.”

“No, you go,” Dean insisted.

“Okay,” Sam cleared his throat and tried to watch the road as best he could. “I think we need to talk about what happened back there.”

“I agree.”

“Really? That easy?”

Dean shifted, resting his hand on the arm of the car door. He knew exactly what he needed to say, but didn’t know how to say it and where to start. Cas always knew this about Dean. He was so patient with him and now Dean’s beginning to miss him.

/Focus/ Dean thought.

“Remember when Bobby decided not to go with his reaper? Then he got all sprung out and so stuck on vengeance for Dick?”

“Of course I remember.”

“It’s worse than that.”

Silence hit the both of them and held them tight. Sam didn’t think it was as bad as it was with Bobby, right? Dean had bad one incident, Bobby possessed someone, attacked him, tricked them both, but Dean… Dean was just losing his temper, right? 

“It’s more why I made this decision that makes this worse for me,” he sighed. “I betrayed Cas, lied to him, and left him. And then dragged you along for the ride. At least Bobby made his decision with his own sound mind, not trying to avoid the inevitable.”

“If anyone was dragging someone along I think it would be me. I mean I drove you everywhere with me.”

Literally.

“But Dean, Bobby was avoiding the inevitable too. It’s not just you don’t blame yourself for something you can’t control.”

There it was again, silence. How were any of them going to speak their piece like this? Dean just wanted Sam to understand him, and Sam just wanted Dean to know he understands, but neither of them could get it out quick enough. 

“Sam,” Dean sighed. His head dropped down and his hands fiddled around in his lap. His younger brother waited, his eyes trying not to leave the road, but trying so hard to reach Dean’s. “Sam I’m sorry. I made this all more painful than it shoulda been. I really didn’t think I’d drag Baby into this either and I can’t do this to her anymore.”

Sam chuckled, sinking back into his seat. Somehow his brother’s apology turned into an apology for his car. 

“It’s okay Dean.”

“It’s not.”

“I-”

“It’s not and we both know what this means…”

He let finally let himself breathe. “I know.”

Dean said it. Dean said it before Sam did and it was a relief. Sitting there in the driver seat, figuring out how to tell his brother that he was gonna need to hurt his car, to send him away, was so much more painful than the real conversation. Even though all the weight melted off his shoulders, it still didn’t untwist the not in his stomach, the pain in his chest. 

This was it then, the end of the line. Dean was gonna die all over again.

*****

The scenic route turned to dirt roads eventually. It was almost soundless between them had it not been for the roar of the impala to which their minds drifted away to. The empty desert wasn’t enough for Dean though; it was easier to hyper focus on each pine tree that ran past him. It was easier to pretend to care about how the trees bounced in the wind, or how much they pierced high into the sky than acknowledge they space he filled next to his very quiet and slightly brooding brother. 

Dean was so in his own head he did not realize that the car had stopped, parked, and turned off a few minutes ago— he also did not realize his brother had gotten out of the car and was now talking to someone outside. He couldn’t feel the eyes watching his physically, but he could sense it.

He smiled softly. Jody Mills was out there waiting for him with his brother, waiting for Dean with warmth radiating from her. All he had to do was pop right out of the car in front of them, but he was done scaring people, especially ones that he cared about, so he did his best to move the car door without scaring them. Although, his ghost;y perks weren’t enough this time. He fumbled out of the car, going right through the door and falling to the ground. As he came up, he matched Jody’s smile and greeted her. 

“Hey Jody,” She smiled, arms crossed, and stepped aside. All the girls; Donna, Alex and Patience were behind her, waiting by Jody’s truck and Claire leaning against her own. “Claire.”

“Hey Casper.”

As Jody scowled at Claire for an insensitive comment, Dean’s head fell as a small huff of laughter escaped him. Dean found it more comforting than a sad reminder of the drastic choice he made. He was actually going to miss her humor maybe more than he thought.

Donna stepped up next to Jody and waved to Dean. He could see how restrained she was trying to be, trying not to want to hug him as she normally would because she couldn’t anymore. Alex and Patience wrapped their arms around each of Claire’s sides and smiled at him. 

Dean was surrounded by people who cared about him, that had been there for him even when his head said he was alone. They helped him saved the word, many times in small or big ways. These women were incredible and he was so grateful to have known them, and grateful to his brother for bringing them here for one last goodbye. One last goodbye that would not be as lonely or scary as he thought.

“Dean, I-”

“No,” He interrupted Sam almost too quickly for his pride to process. “Uh… It’s okay Sammy. I don’t think we need a whole chick-flick worthy goodbye speech.”

“Are you sure?” He huffed. “You love your chick-flick moments.”

Dean felt the knot in his empty ghost stomach. The sad smiles Sam created on the people around them was enough fill whatever chick-flick moment his brother though he needed.

“I’m good, Sam. You guys being here is all a ex-hunter needs.” 

Dean’s eyes trailed back to his car. He’s so grateful they washed his Baby one last time. Her shine was beautiful, tires cleaned, rims shined and all. He reached out and gently laid his hand on the hood. “She deserved better.”

“There’ll never be another like her,” Jody said. 

When Dean turned back around, he saw the buckets of diesel by Sam’s leg and tried not to think too much about what his Baby was about to endure because of him.

“Dean,” Claire started. Her voice was stained with a vulnerability Dean had not seen very often. “If you see Castiel in Heaven, can you give him a hug for me?”

Jody shot another look, this time less harshness and more worry. 

“If, after everything I’ve done, they saved me a spot up there… then yes I’ll do that.” She smiled softly. “Take care of yourself Claire, and Jody too.”

She nodded and retreated back to her wayward sisters, tears filling up in her eyes. Sam grabbed the buckets from the floor and walked up to Dean. All he did was nod and give his brother permission to ruin his car. Dean looked back at Jody one last time.

“Take care of him, will ya?” she nodded.

He stood next to Sam and the lighter flickered in front of them. They turned and locked each others eyes.

“You can breathe now, Sammy.”

Dean used the last of his power to flick the lighter out of Sam’s hand and into the trail of gasoline.

Sam lost his breath and the ability to hold back all the pain that built up inside him. The girls came up behind him and stayed with him until he could move again.

Dean… Dean burned away slow and painless. A small crooked smile never faltered even when he was gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really not okay...  
> It was supposed to be a three-parter, but I'm adding a 4th!!


End file.
